Really?????

Do you ever feel like you just couldn't endure one more negative thing? This morning I felt forgotten by God, like he just gave up on me. I know satan wants me to feel that way and I have allowed him to step in. So many things happening in my life and I get how Job felt. Life is hard, people are cruel and selfish and there are days that are just going to suck. I know God would never leave me, and maybe it was me who walked away thinking I could do it on my own. But even when I do stray away, he always takes me back and loves me just as I am.
Have you ever heard the song "He still loves me"? Well I watched the movie The fighting Temptations for the first time the other day and they sing that song at he end of the movie. It really moved me and reminded me that I will never be perfect, I will always fall short, but more than anything- HE still loves me. No matter what happens in my life HE will always love me. I serve a loving God, a forgiving God and a God who I will always love and keep in my heart, my soul and my mind.
Someone always has to say "it could always be worse" I can't stand that. I know there are worse things in life, but does that make my problems any less important to God? I think not. We all have burdens to bear, we will all experience death and tragedy at some point in our lives, financial problems, etc. It's part of life.

You know how you get to that point in life where things are going great, you think you have it all figured out.......and bam, life turns upside down and you just think "Really? What the heck just happenend?" Like God gives you a reality check when you get too comfy in life. So you ask Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Oh, maybe it's that whole what goes around comes back around? Maybe God is making an example out of me. Well whatever the reason, it is mine to endure and only one person can bring me up from the bottom of the barrell, My God who is at the bottom with me, who has patiently waited for me to get over myself and my poor poor pitiful me moment and focus on him once again. Thank you God for always sticking with me, even when I am so blinded by myself that I can't focus on you.
Remember that even on our darkest moments there is a light, and HE will guide you through if you just focus on Him!

Proverbs 3:6         
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

A little further.......

So I started running in January, got off to a slow start, very slow really but I love it. I used to say and I quote "I'm not a runner, I could never be a runner and I don't want to run unless someone is chasing me with a knife."
First let me say that I am not the commitment type when it comes to exercise and normally I can come up with any and every reason why I shouldn't do it. I use my kids as an excuse, my job, I'm tired, I need to clean house.......blah blah blah. You get the point.
So I have committed myself to running every day, I do skip a day here or there, but I mainly stay on track. Plus I bought myself some snazzy running shoes from the rude skinny college kids at the Fit 2 run store in the mall, so you know it's serious.
My point is that if I can do this anyone can! When I'm jogging and I feel like I just can't make another step I like to picture myself during the harsh labor of my last child. When you're  having a baby you can't stop or give up no matter how bad it hurts (and it hurts really bad). And then when it is over you have this huge sense of serious accomplishment. Right ladies???? Every day I go a little further, I won't say it gets easier, because it hasn't yet. I'm waiting on that.......of course if it were easy it wouldn't work.
Now let me also say that I have some pretty awesome people encouraging me, which really helps a lot. I am so very grateful for them, But......my biggest encouragement come from God, he gives me my strength, he guides me and he hears my cries and complaints and he still loves me! I can't wait to see what he has in store for me with this running stuff, I bet it's gonna be AWESOME!
My friend (Terese) just ran the Disney princess 1/2 marathon and I was very impressed by this, so I said to myself, Self, you can do this. If she can run a 1/2 marathon, you can certainly get up off your rear and jog a mile. Sounded good until I jogged like 50 feet and almost died. But hey I can almost jog a whole mile now! It sounds easy, but it's not. Unless you are a seasoned runner then it just seems like I'm a slacker. lol Anywhosit, It hurts, my legs are sore every day, but I love it. However, my dog does not feel the same. Poor Izzy........
I figure I will be able to run a 5k by Jan 2013, at least that's the plan.....I will not fail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You will not win

Let me start off by saying my day started off well and with every intention of jogging......at some point. It was "clean house day" today so I just knew we'd have everything clean by 3ish........Yeah right...with 2 kids. I would say somewhere between 3ish and the girl scout cookies satan started on me. He and the cookies are evil by the way, in case you didn't know. I am also convinced the girl scouts must be minions of some sort. 
Let's breeze through a few of the excuses he helped me dish out: 1. I'm tired 2. I'm sure I burned calories cleaning 3. I'm not done cleaning 4. It's sunday and I will go tomorrow 5. I have to work in the morning. and then some.......
Plus my 4 year old was having a meltdown.
Anywho after he worked me awhile, I remembered that phrase "let your haters be your motivators" Fitting huh? So I jogged a mile!!!!! Take that satan!
I will not let you decide my life. Thank you for motivating me, you may go far away now.
Also I have this super great husband who encourages me, and reminds me I can do it then tells me just go on and get it out of the way. He's great, handsome and lots of other good stuff too, I am very fond of him :)

And the perfect bible verse for today:

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV   
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Thank you God for being my rock, my comforter and pushing me through when I doubt myself, which seems to be often lately. Forgive me Father. I know you will never leave me or forsake me. I love you

Change under way......

My newest journey has begun......the journey of changing my mindset and my body. Pray for me......lol. I have a new found love of jogging. It's hard for me because I am so out of shape, but I know it will get easier. My goal is to be able to do a 5k by Jan 2013.
So, my first day jogging I pray, and this is how it went......."Okay God, if you will give me the strength I can do this........ I think" And God replied to me clear as a bell...." I gave you everything you need to do this, except the excuses." God is so awesome! Sometimes all you need is to just listen.
Now I also made a deal with the hubby. This was a bad idea I'm sure. The deal is that I have an entire year to lose as much weight as I can. On Jan 1st 2013 I am going to the beach and I have to wear a bikini........Oh my word what have I done???????????? Nothing like a little pressure huh? No worries, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!!!! I have to do this!
I look at myself and I think, what happened? I used to be in shape, used to feel good. Then I remember the words of my dad......"used to's don't count." I love that I can also count on my dad for brutal honesty and zilcho on sympathy when it comes to being overweight. If you know my dad, you know just what I mean. I hope he doesn't read this, because I will never live down the bikini thing, I can hear that conversation now.......lol. I love you dad! Anywho, so I think I'm doing pretty good so far, please pray that I can stay on track and be diligent with this.
It's funny how you put off so many things in life because you've gained weight. Examples of this.....pictures, I hate my picture being made and I don't think it's because I'm afraid someone will see it but maybe because I don't want to see it myself. The beach, I love the beach but don't want to go because someone might see me in my bathing suit cover up! (plus the pasty white legs don't help). But no worries this time next year I will be different........promise.
I also would like to say thank you to a few of my motivators, Pinterest thank you for all the motivational exercise pics and if you would stop putting pics of 10000 calorie desserts on there I can probably do better ;) My friend Therese, because you ran 13 miles I know I can run 3, Thank you!(I'm really glad you decided to listen to God on that one, I knew you could do it!) My husband who loves me no matter what and does supermans with me, I love you!

Perfection for others

Why do people try so hard to be picture perfect? Like they want you to see them as something we all know they are not. Maybe it looks good from the driveway, but go inside and it's anything but perfect. I have no shame in telling you that I have issues. (No jokes, please) I have battled depression, anxiety and fear and with God, we won. I have to remind myself that the devil wants me to be afraid all the time, and when I feel him creeping his way in, I call on my almighty God and he hears my crys and saves me from my fears. God rescues me daily and I am so grateful to serve. Now I also know how easy it is to dwell in sadness, anxiety and fear because I have done that! Man it was a long road that I will not ever revisit. If you will just let him, God has a way of touching your heart like no one else can. I put God FIRST always, before my husband, parents, kids and friends. My husband knows he does not come first, as I do not come first to him and I am thankfully okay with this set-up. Now I am no expert, but here's what I do know: God is mighty, God is merciful, God is forgiving, God is everlasting and the great I AM. Be of great faith friends, test him and see what he can do. Whatever it is in your life that feels like defeat, give it ALL to God. God can't take care of it if you keep holding onto it!
My mom is such an inspiration to me, she has such great faith and I think that is such an awesome gift. I look at the trials and hardships she has endured in her life and it makes me sad to know the things she has gone through. BUT she holds her head high and moves on, sometimes I just don't know how but she reminds me that God doesn't want us to dwell there, but to dwell in him and he gives us peace. Life gives us circumstances that we as humans don't understand, but know this, NOTHING gets to you without going through God first. His plans are perfect, all of them. The best prayer I have ever prayed was this:
"God, Change me..." Man that little prayer had such a huge effect on my life, my marriage and my lifestyle. Things I didn't understand came into focus. You see, it's not always others that bring us down, but ourselves. Ask God to change you so you may see the real issue. I think it's kinda cool to have issues, just so I can see God work on people, because the truth is if we were perfect, we wouldn't need Jesus.................so imperfections are awesome because I love to need Jesus! Here's what is perfect though, Jesus and the love he has for his children. Amen to that! So if you ever happen to stand in my driveway and it looks good, come inside and if things aren't perfect, well we will have lots of coffee and pray about it!

 Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)

Selfless

Today we went and looked at our dream house, It is beautiful and out of our price range. BUT, I serve a mighty God who promised me that If I ask and believe it will be done, it will. AMEN to HIS promises :) 
 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” Matthew 21:21-22
Thank you Jesus!
This is where faith steps in and you have to remove all doubt. I know God hears me and he wants great things for us, even the ones that may seem impossible. I mean he made a donkey talk so need I say more? So as we walked around our new house, we stood together as a family and humbly prayed that God would make a way for our family to have this house.  This house is just a speck on this earth to God, but he knows how big it is to us. My momma always told me to pray about everything, even the impossible  and have faith that God will handle it. My Jasmine prays daily sometimes more than once, and she always thanks God for everyone she knows, people who are sick, the dog, and our new house, she has such a sweet spirit and I am so thankful that Our heavenly Father blessed us with her.
Let's move on to say that this year My family will begin a new chapter and we will call it "Selfless." Sounds good, huh? Well let's put "Selfless" into action! We will be helping where there is a need, no matter what or how great the need we will do our best to get it done. We will feed the homeless, and not just dropping off canned goods, we will feed them, serve them and be a friend to them. Afterall, these are our brothers and sisters in Christ. Do you think Jesus would drop off a can of beans and leave or do you think he would serve them, sit with them and talk with them? Aren't we supposed to be Christlike? God has blessed each of us in so many ways, and it is our responsibility to care for those in need. We are not here to judge them, but to love them, care for them and give them hope. I always try to imagine myself in their situation or someone I know. For instance, The elderly man sitting in the median with a sign that says "Disabled Veteran, will work for food." What if that was your Father, grandfather or your heavenly father? (Whoa) And if you gave him $10 would it break you? Really it wouldn't. We waste so much money on stuff, but that $10 made a huge impact on the homeless gentleman. If you're worried about them buying achohol or drugs, pray over that money before you give it to them. Always cover yourself and others with prayer.

Divine appointment

Let me jump right into yesterday, I am a firm believer in divine appointments and God saw fit to give me one yesterday. As I was locking up at work and just about to walk out, a van pulls in. My first thought was "never fails." So I put down my purse and keys and waited...........out of this very old van emerges a very tiny elderly woman with some sort of homemade portfolio. As soon as she entered the door I was overcome with joy and could not help but smile. She wanted so humbly to show me her paintings and I couldn't wait to see them. But the entire time she was in the shop she praised God, every word seemed to give praise to our Father. As she showed me every picture, she spoke bible verses and closed her eyes most of the time, constantly giving all honor and glory to God. She tells me that she sells them for $10 or whatever someone sees fit to pay. So after about 10 minutes, she says "do you see anything you like?" I already knew the one I wanted, it had lillies on it and a bilble verse:
 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9
My friends, let me tell you that this was an awesome lady. First thing I thought of when I saw her, Christlike, humble, sweet spirited and I knew I was in the presence of God. So when I read that verse, I had chills. "The Lord your God is with you where ever you go" No doubt he was with us yesterday.
Needless to say I felt led to give her $20 dollars and when I handed it to her, she wept and was so stunned, like I handed her a million dollars. Man it was moving......and I told her thank you for coming in, it was a joy to see her. On her way out she kneeled and gave thanks to God. When she left it was all I could do to keep from crying tears of joy. It is so awesome to see such a love of our Father! As I drove home I thanked God for this moment, for this lesson, and the opportunity to help and be helped.  Isn't it funny how God works on us........